Race morning dawned windy but with a manageable temperature for Minnesota, in the high 30’s/low 40’s. The CentraCare Earth Day Half-Marathon begins in downtown St. Cloud in front of the convention center. Unbeknownst to me, the start was in front of the Courtyard by Marriot, which was the hotel I’d booked for the night before the race. This meant that I wouldn’t be hard pressed to find the start nor would I have any excuse to be late, since the start was an elevator ride away from my room.
Because of the past year and a lack of faith in my body to arrive to a start line uninjured, I waited to register for the race until the expo the night before the race, so I arrived early enough on Friday afternoon to be one of the first to register in case the race filled up. I hadn’t had a great training week, but it seemed to be more of a mental battle than a physical one, as I didn’t feel injured other than the aches and pains of a long training cycle. I didn’t feel like a caged animal, as I often do with a taper, but since this was not my goal race, my coach only programmed a mini-taper, and there wasn’t much reason to feel any pent up recovery.
I made it to the start with about 20 or so minute to spare. I did a short warm-up with some jogging and a few strides. I felt fine but there was not a pep in my step. It takes me a very long time to warm up, and I would have liked to do a longer warm up, but I’d only packed one Maurten gel, so I couldn’t expend too much energy in my warm-up, because I would run out of fuel for the race. As it was, I wanted a gel sooner than I took one, and I will bring a gel to take right before the start in the future.
This was my first half-marathon in almost ten years, maybe longer, so I didn’t really know what to expect from myself in the race and where I would be positioned in the rest of the field. I figured I would be toward the front of the pack, so I positioned myself toward the front, and when the gun went off, I quickly hit my what would be my max speed for the day. I think I was around a 7 minute pace, which is an infinitely doable pace for me, but by the end of the first mile, my breathing was labored, which told me what I needed to know about how the day was going to go. That is, I knew this wasn’t going to be my day to crush a half-marathon.
I thought about giving up and slowing down to a long-run pace, but in a decision that I would have to repeat over and over again the whole race, I decided just to push as hard as I could that day – to be the best me in that moment even if it wasn’t the best me I thought I could be – so I kept pushing. My pace slowed to a 7:15 and then 7:23. The course was moderately hilly and the wind felt really rough, but I didn’t come here to make excuses. I just wasn’t in the shape I wanted to be to win this race. I kept running as hard I could, repeating the number of the mile I was in until I reached the next mile marker. It didn’t get easier, and I started to really flag around mile 6, when the course took us on a flat straight into the wind, and I started to really need fuel. I planned to save my caffeine gel until mile 7, so I could start pushing for the second half of the race, but I needed it around mile 6. What I really needed was a gel at the start and then a gel at mile 7, but I couldn’t find Maurten gels at the expo or at the local running store down the block, so I made do with what I had.
The second I hit mile seven, I took the gel, and I started to feel better around mile 8, which was about when the course turned out of the wind and headed onto the river walk, which was out of the wind and along a smooth paved path. I started to feel like I could push a little bit, which I think actually just kept me at maintaining my speed so I didn’t slow down. I passed one woman runner who had passed me, which was a confidence boost. I didn’t know exactly where I was in the pack, although I felt like there were probably 10 women ahead of me. But I wasn’t racing to win any more, I was just running to see what I could do on a not-so-great day. It was really really important to me that I didn’t let up, that I finished strong. I wanted to be proud of myself at the end of the race regardless of my time or place. I remember vividly thinking that I couldn’t imagine holding this pace for a full marathon, which ironically, I’d done the previous year.
I also found myself wishing the race was longer, not because I wanted to run this pace for longer but because I wanted the slower paces of an ultramarathon. It seemed like running slower would be a relief, and I’d get to do it all day. For some reason, I had also decided to run with music, and the upbeat songs helped at times, but I don’t think I’ll run with headphones again. I feel like I lose touch with how I’m feeling – I rarely run with music even during training runs, and I’m not sure why I’d decided to put in the headphones that morning.
While my pace slowed during the hills, and it didn’t really slow much during windy portions, I enjoyed the hills more. I like how strong running uphill feels. That said, there were some short uphills toward the end of the race that felt really hard. The one right before the turn to the finish slowed me way down, and I turned the corner to the .35 straight to the finish at a job. I sped up when I saw the finish though, and I finished strong, running as fast as I could toward the line. When I saw the clock, my heart sank – it said 1:36:41, which was almost seven minutes longer than I thought I could do. I crossed line, picked up my medal, and then kept moving at a walk for 10 minutes to keep the blood flowing. I was curious about my place in the race, but I saw quite a few women in the finish area, so I assumed that I hadn’t done well in terms of placement.
It wasn’t until I was back in my hotel room, that I checked the race results that I saw that I was 4th woman overall and the first in my age group, 40-49. I was still bummed about my time, though, so I didn’t really register that this was something to celebrate. Luckily, I have a very supportive partner, who helped me to realize that this was something to celebrate. And, as I reflected on the race, I realized that I had done what I set out to do, which was to run hard and see where I was in terms of my running fitness. I didn’t quit when I got hard, and I finished strong. It was, time wise, slower that my fastest half marathon, which happened during Lake Wobegon Marathon last year (which was flat and had almost zero wind), but I have a good gauge of my fitness, and I know where I need to be to run at my best, injuries notwithstanding, whenever I get to race again.
That is to say, I am grateful to be able to race, and I am at peace with the results.
ultrarungal 